


Leave

by chanuyeah



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Gen, OT7, chanwoo x ikon, ikon ot7
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-20
Updated: 2018-06-20
Packaged: 2019-05-25 22:43:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,007
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14987180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanuyeah/pseuds/chanuyeah
Summary: When Chanwoo was trying to leave the group without anyone's knowing, Hanbin never thought that it will ever be because of this.





	Leave

It’s not everyday Hanbin gets a call from the CEO to go to the office. But here he is running as fast as he could, hoping everything is alright, even know he was sure that it wasn’t. Hanbin knows the tone of that voice anywhere. It was the tone he makes whenever he was not pleased. His heart beats faster and faster as he approaches to the handle of the room’s door. He took a deep sigh and finally turned it to enter the office.

To his surprise, he saw the CEO with his maknae, Chanwoo, already seated in front of the boss. Why was he here? Hanbin took a while to process it all that Yang Hyun Suk had to say something. “Take a seat, Hanbin” he ordered almost immediately. Hanbin, without second thoughts, did as told got into a tensed sitting position. He took a quick glance at the maknae and could clearly see he is refusing to look at the leader. What in the hell is going on here?

“As you both know, iKON’s remaining contract will end next week and so is your individual contracts with this company” He explained carefully. Hanbin knew this, of course he does. He had to make sure they don’t have any schedule next week so they could have a meeting with their lawyers and stuff so they could have a renewal of the contract. What does that have to do with Chanwoo?

“And with everything that has happened, I’d never expected this would happen to a group’s maknae again.” He continued obviously not happy hearing the tone of his voice. Hanbin noticed Chanwoo lowered his head down as he said those words. Hanbin was processing everything the CEO said. What’s wrong with YG’s maknaes? What do they all have in common?

“First Minzy, then it was Taehyun, and now you, Chanwoo-ah” The CEO stated in disappointment. Hanbin dropped his jaw. The people they all mentioned all left the group. Is Chanwoo planning on.. no, he can’t be, right?

“Well, the contract couldn’t be manipulated with someone else’s signature. Are you sure this is what you really want, Chanwoo?” Yang Hyun Suk asked really hopeful. Chanwoo nodded quickly which made the leader’s heart sink somehow. Hanbin wanted to scream, specifically at Chanwoo. Why did he hide this from him?!

“Hanbin-ah, the news will get out there sooner or later and I need you to make a smart statement to the public. The company’s reputation will receive a lot of backlash, but it seems that nothing is changing his mind, so there’s nothing we can do. Both you and Chanwoo need to be in good terms between all of this. There’s a week for you to talk this out. It would be great if you could change his mind, Hanbin-ah,” he said as he chuckled. Hanbin couldn’t join him as he gave him a straight face instead. It wasn’t funny at all. “but either way, I don’t want to see any of you having a beef with each other afterwards. Do you understand?” He continued.

Both of the CEO’s clients nodded immediately. “And Chanwoo, if you also want to make some kind of statements please make sure you clarify that it isn’t because of our company’s treatment towards you. We have received so many complaints as it is. Okay?” The CEO said warning the maknae. “Of course, Sajangnim” Chanwoo replied. Hanbin looked at the maknae for a while. He really seems like he was sure about the decision he is making.

When has he thought about leaving?

Why didn’t he tell him?

Was he trying to get a name for himself outside iKON?

Was he uncomfortable all this time when they were together?

Did something happened without Hanbin’s know abouts?

All these questions Hanbin was screaming in his head, and yet he still couldn’t get the answers to. At least not now where the CEO is right in front of him. Hanbin could only sigh in frustration. The CEO could already sense the tension building in the room so he decided to end this right away.

“Both of you could leave now.” Yang Hyun Suk said sternly. Both of the members said their thanks and went out of the office hurriedly. And ever since that, it was silence. Chanwoo didn’t dare to say anything. His leader’s face was really intimidating. Chanwoo thought that Hanbin could actually punch him right in the face right now if it weren’t for the staffs scattered all over the building.

“Aren’t you at least going to explain?” Hanbin asked breaking the silence with a face Chanwoo hopes he would never see again on the leader’s face. Chanwoo sighed seeing how bad the situation was. He didn’t think the CEO would call Hanbin in. That was out of his plan. He opened his mouth to say something but he couldn’t think of what to say. Hanbin seemed like he was pissed at the younger’s reaction.

“ANSWER ME!!” Hanbin shouted. Some of the staffs that heard his shout stopped to look at the source of the sound. Chanwoo stared at all of them back, signaling them to mind their own business. It seemed to have worked as they all went back to what they were doing before.

“Hyung.. I’ll talk to you when you’re not so angry.” The younger replied calmly. “I’m not fucking angry!” Hanbin exclaimed obviously showing the opposite of what he just said. Chanwoo rested his hand on the leader’s shoulder and smiled at him. “Hyung, I promise I’ll tell you and the rest of the hyungs later. I want the situation to calm down for a bit, okay?” Chanwoo explained earning a puzzled Hanbin in return. “Calm?! Chanwoo, you’re leaving us and expect us to be calm?! We only have one week to get you to stay and-“

“Hyung, I’m not staying.” Chanwoo cut the leader off with a statement that made Hanbin felt like he was drowning, the same feeling of failure he had when he didn’t manage to bring his members to win on WIN. He is that sure of leaving the group. Hanbin dropped his jaw and pushed the maknae away in anger. “How could you just say that so easily?! You literally just tried to leave without us knowing! Is being a part of our group means nothing to you?!” Hanbin said exclaiming every sentence. Chanwoo chuckled hearing the leader, but he then gave out a straight face and lowered his head down afterwards.

“I’ll see you and the rest at dinner, hyung.” He said smiling as he left the older going to a direction Hanbin knows wasn’t the way to their dorm. He wanted to chase the maknae and slap him in the face forcing him to come back, but his legs stopped him. It feels like talking to him was useless. He was already 100% sure about the decision and Hanbin feels like ripping his hair off.

He then looked at the tall maknae’s figures at the back as he left. Why does it seem like it was so easy for him to leave Hanbin like that? Does he mean nothing to him? Was leaving him and the rest of the members an easy decision to him? Because in Hanbin’s head the answer is all yes, but somewhere in his heart he hopes that there was another reason, another answer that would hurt less.

 

 

***

 

 

Chanwoo spends his time sitting in a bench of a park, the place that he has visited a lot lately. It was a perfect place, in Chanwoo’s perception, for him to think. That’s something Chanwoo has been doing for the past months. He loves seeing the leaves of the trees fall telling him that it was autumn, he loves seeing children playing catch with the brightest smiles, he loves seeing the littlest changes he sees every time he goes there. It calms his mind and his heart.

Which is what he needs now. Chanwoo had planned on leaving the members for a long time. He had played scenarios of him explaining to the hyungs thousands of times on his mind, but now that the day has come he still couldn’t help but get nervous. Talking to Hanbin was already a difficult thing to do, so he’s not sure what to say at dinner today. He hopes that he won’t get affected by what the members will say, because he couldn’t afford to change his mind. This decision was final.

He took a glance at his surroundings for a minute and could see that the park was getting darker. The people in the park is slowly leaving too. It was a sign for Chanwoo to do the same but he just didn’t want to. He doesn’t want to come back to his dorm, so he stayed still. The lights of the park started to lit up and the sounds of crickets are slowly showing. It was beautiful.

“a couple of minutes won’t hurt”

Chanwoo said that to himself as he stayed still on the said bench. He looks slightly at his phone and saw what it seemed like all of the members calling him over and over. They also texted him asking his whereabouts and when will he get back. Chanwoo sighed and put his phone back to his pocket without answering any of them.

Suddenly he could feel someone poking his shoulder. By reflect, he immediately look at his back to see who it was. It was a middle-aged man, wearing a uniform.

“I’m sorry, it is really late and this park has to be sterilized. You could come back tomorrow, though. We open at 6 am.” The man said as polite as he could. Chanwoo gave him an apologetic face and bowed at him. “Ah, I didn’t know that! I’m so sorry, I’ll get going” he said as he left the place to get back to his dorm as slowly as he can. The more time he consumes the better.

 

 

***

 

 

“You’re too late for dinner” Hanbin said as soon as Chanwoo entered the dorm. Chanwoo could see that there is every member waiting for him in the dining room. It was 2 am, and he is surprised that they aren’t in bed yet. At least, that’s what he hoped had happened. They all looked at him worriedly ever since he came and Chanwoo wished he could get away from the place he is in right now.

“I’m sorry.” Chanwoo apologized shortly. “Where were you? Why didn’t you answer any of our calls?” Jinhwan asked as soon as Chanwoo finished apologized. “I just needed my time alone.” Chanwoo answered again as straightforward as he can. The faces of his members afterwards weren’t exactly what Chanwoo wanted. They all looked… sadder. He assumed that maybe Hanbin already told them everything. Well, they did wait for him so they must know.

“Chanu-ah, please. Talk to us.” Donghyuk begged suddenly. Chanwoo felt really weak hearing the older’s words. Anything but a sad Donghyuk, please. He really feels like a monster now. Donghyuk is a happy pill, and if anyone took away his happiness it feels like the world is coming to an end soon.

“Talk about what?” Chanwoo is still trying to act dumb. He could hear Hanbin scoff after what Chanwoo has asked. “Drop the bullshit, Chanwoo. I told them what happened this morning.” Hanbin said obviously not pleased at what the maknae is doing. Yunhyeong widened his eyes at the sudden explosion of word Hanbin decided to say and rubbed the leader’s back in hopes to calm him down.

“Chanwoo, just at least let us know what made you feel to the point of making that decision..” Yunhyeong begged helplessly. “I just feel like I don’t belong here, hyungs.” The members looked like they were all shocked hearing that. “It has been years! We have explained to you tons of times that you don’t need to feel like an outcast! You could just talk to us if that is the case, Chanwoo. Don’t be stupid” Junhoe exclaimed bluntly surprising the others.

“Do you really think I haven’t tried that?! Well, I’m sorry to break it to you, Junhoe. I did try and it didn’t help at all! I still feel... useless” Chanwoo shot back, making the others speechless. “I don’t even know if you guys took my worries seriously..” Chanwoo continued. “Of course we did, Chanwoo-ah! We just didn’t know what to do. And take that back, you are not useless. Please get that thought out of your head.” Bobby said in defense causing the maknae to sigh.

“Chanwoo, we could fix this. It doesn’t have to end this way. You are our maknae, Chanwoo. Our family. That fact will never be a lie. You are one of us, even when you don’t feel like it. We’ll make you feel like it, okay?” Hanbin said trying to convince the younger. Chanwoo smiled but then lowered his head down to the ground.

“You guys are saying that just because you know I’m leaving the group.” He stated without a doubt in his voice. “That is not true!!” Hanbin replied almost shouting. “Hyung! I never even see you anymore! Even when I do, you cut me off as if like I am a waste of your time. The only time you actually talked to me for the past months was this morning!!” Chanwoo replied with a raised tone. “You are unreachable when I was lost.” Chanwoo continued this time with a voice calmer than before.

Those words hurt Hanbin to the core, because it was true. He was too busy on making sure the songs he made was perfect that he neglected his own members. Specifically, Chanwoo, who was troubled and needed him the most. “That was my mistake, Chanwoo. I am sorry. But you don’t have to punish the rest of the members and pain them by leaving.” Hanbin stated admitted his mistake.

“Does it really matter to hyungs if I leave?? None of you even noticed how I always arrive at this time everyday for a few months now. Only now that you know I am leaving that you took your time to wait for me and text me where I am. How am I supposed to even believe you, huh?!” Chanwoo said almost bursting out his tears but he still managed to force them in. The sight of them not knowing what to answer was not helping. They were really that clueless on how he felt.

“We have really been bad hyungs, Chanwoo. We admit that. You could punish us by doing anything but please, I’m begging you. Don’t leave us. C-Chanwoo please..” Donghyuk begged as he sobbed with tears already flowing down from his eyes. Seeing the latter made Chanwoo couldn’t hold in his tears anymore as he joined Donghyuk in the sobbing fest.

“I-I’m sorry” Chanwoo managed to say between his sobs. “Don’t do this, Chanwoo..” Jinhwan begged him. “Let us try to fix this, yeah?” Bobby offered but Chanwoo could only frown. He looked at every single of his members that were all hopeful about the offer Bobby just gave him. “I’m so sorry.. I just can’t” Chanwoo managed to say as he left the members and locked himself inside his room.

They followed him to the front of his door knocking and shouting at him. “Jung Chanwoo!! You can’t hide from this!” Yunhyeong shouted knocking on the door. “CHANWOO-AH! COME BACK HERE” Jinhwan demanded. “What would the fans think if you leave?” Donghyuk asked hoping he would hear. Hanbin sighed at the messed-up situation.

“I guess we should leave him alone for now.” The leader said in defeat. “Hanbin-ah, I don’t think that’s a good idea. We only have a week until the renewal of the contract.” Bobby disagreed. “Then we will still have 6 days to go. Look at everyone, hyung. We’re all tired. Let’s take a goodnight’s rest and clear our heads. We will deal with this afterwards.” Hanbins said as the rest nodded. Jinhwan and Bobby were ready to counter Hanbin’s decision but seeing how sad and tired the leader was, they gave in and joined the others as they entered their own respected rooms.

 

 

***

 

Chanwoo couldn’t sleep. All he could think about the situation he is in. He almost gave in hearing his hyungs genuinely sad and bothered by his decision. He doesn’t want to know what will happen afterwards, so now he thinks that he should get out of the room while the rest are sleeping. A midnight snack could help him by a bit, maybe. But when he opened the door to get out of the room he is stuck in, he was surprised that it was blocked by something.

Or more likely, someone. When Chanwoo turned to look at the cause of his blocked door, he saw Donghyuk, who seems like he was sitting in front of the door the whole time. Chanwoo, of course, panicked and quickly shakes the older’s shoulders to wake him up. After a few tries, Donghyuk finally opened his eyes and looked at Chanwoo and smiled. “Am I dreaming?” He asked Chanwoo still half conscious.

“No. How long have you waited here, Donghyuk? What are you doing??” Chanwoo asked really worried of his fellow member. “I wanted to talk to you as soon as possible” Donghyuk explained as he stretches himself. Chanwoo sighed at the older’s shenanigans. “Get back to your room, Donghyuk. It must be uncomfortable for you to sleep like that the whole night.” Chanwoo said demanding the older earning a Donghyuk to shake his head really vigorously.

“Stop it! Stop pushing us away!” Donghyuk exclaimed this time with an even louder volume, causing Chanwoo to shush him and rub his back to calm him down. “You are acting just like him, Chanwoo-ah.. I’m really worried” Donghyuk explained, this time he couldn’t hold back his tears. “H-Him? Donghyuk what are you talking about? Please don’t cry..” Chanwoo asked trying to calm him down but it didn’t seem like it was helping.

“My dad, Chanwoo. Exactly like him before.. he left.” Chanwoo dropped his jaw hearing his answer. Chanwoo knew his dad passed away and it leaves a big scar in Donghyuk’s life. But Chanwoo also knows that Donghyuk became even stronger because of him. “Donghyuk, don’t say things like that” Chanwoo managed to mumble. “But it is the same. You both will leave me, right?” Donghyuk said with tears streaming down his face. Chanwoo looked at the older once again, feeling really bad.

“Donghyuk, I won’t leave you.” The maknae stated shortly. Donghyuk frowned hearing his words. “That’s what my dad said too” Donghyuk replied as he sighed. He wiped off his tears and looked at Chanwoo with a hopeful look. “Why, Chanwoo? When did it become this bad that you think that leaving was the best conclusion?” Donghyuk asked looking straight into Chanwoo’s eyes.

Chanwoo didn’t know what to answer. He didn’t know what exactly to answer to get out of this situation, let alone make it better. “Donghyuk, I’m not happy.” Chanwoo stated shortly. Donghyuk gasped a bit hearing his words. “But, why aren’t you happy?” Donghyuk asked as if he tried to help him.

“I don’t know! I know I should be, I mean I have 6 great hyungs, I’m also in a great group that I was too lucky to even get into. But I just feel unhappy.” Chanwoo explained. “That’s not true, you must know why!” Donghyuk exclaimed. Chanwoo sighed seeing the reaction Donghyuk gave. “Well, whether I know it or not, I am unhappy, Donghyuk. Isn’t that an enough of a reason for me to leave?” Chanwoo asked him.

“Can I ask you what you will do after you leave?” Donghyuk asked back. Chanwoo smiled at his question. “I will go home. Come back to my family that I left for so long. And maybe continue college, if I have a chance.” Chanwoo answered. Donghyuk froze hearing his answer. He thought that Chanwoo would start another career, but it seems like his goal was to only come back to his family, which was kind of odd.

Donghyuk ended up nodded at the maknae. “But you told us it’s because we’ve been bad hyungs” Donghyuk protested. Chanwoo scratched the back of his head. “Well, I was at an emotional state then. I’m sorry.” Chanwoo answered casually. Donghyuk sighed at the maknae. He was stubborn. And he was also sure about his decision. Nothing could change his decision by this point. “Well, in this 6 days if we could finally get your happiness back, would you reconsider your decision?” Donghyuk bargained. Chanwoo smiled at the older.

“Sure”

 

 

***

 

“Today is the big day, Chanwoo” Jinhwan stated as the maknae entered the dorm. Chanwoo looked puzzled at first but then after a few minutes he nodded. “Oh, yeah. The contract renewal.” Jinhwan looked at the maknae worriedly, it seems like something was bothering the younger. Jinhwan approached him and gave him a snack he was having as he went to the sofa signaling the maknae to join him.

“You look troubled. What’s wrong? Where were you?” Jinhwan asked to the point. “Ah… I was just having a walk. Having myself some time alone, hyung.” Chanwoo answered. Jinhwan looked at the maknae again with suspicious eyes. “Is there something bothering you? Is it about the renewal contract?” Jinhwan asked. Chanwoo shook his head immediately.

“No, hyung. There’s nothing wrong. I just felt for a walk.” Chanwoo tried to convince the older. Jinhwan sighed and decided to believe him. “So, what’s your final decision, huh?” Jinhwan asked completely changing the topic. Ever since Donghyuk talked to Chanwoo, they all have treated him with the most care. None of them dared to bring up the topic, though. But Donghyuk was sure the maknae changed his mind after that night where Chanwoo admitted that he was finally happy. He got so excited as he went off to tell the other members about it, including Jinhwan.

“I guess none of us will know until the time has finally come, hyung.” Chanwoo answered not wanting to tell the eldest an exact answer. “Yah! Chanwoo-ah! We all have been anxious and stressed out because of this. Don’t you think we deserve a definite answer?” Jinhwan said trying to convince the younger. Chanwoo placed his hand to the older’s shoulder and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“Whatever decision I will make, It’s the decision that is the best for everyone.” Chanwoo said as he left the eldest dumbfounded and confused as Chanwoo went straight into his room.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The time has finally come. The six of the members was told to enter the room. There was no sign of Chanwoo anywhere. But as they entered the room, they all saw the press surrounding the room and Chanwoo already seated with who they thought was his lawyer beside him. The six of them knows what will happen next.

Their lawyers spoke some political words Hanbin couldn’t care less about the whole time with their CEO at the table hearing him out. He only focused his eyes on the maknae who has a face as straight as ever the whole time. Hanbin wanted to shout at him but that would be a stupid idea as the press were right there in front of him. He could also see Donghyuk and Jinhwan about to burst out in tears anytime soon. He sighed at the whole situation. ‘How fucking dare you, Jung Chanwoo’ Hanbin thought to himself.

Junhoe elbowed him as he gave him a pen. He got back to reality, as he signed the contract. And as soon as all the six of them signed, they could see Chanwoo’s lawyer stood up and announcing that Chanwoo won’t be continuing his contract. The press then went wild. The flashes of their cameras could blind them, Hanbin thought. The room was now not as quiet as before, having the reporters and press asking questions all at once giving the leader a headache as the fact that Chanwoo was leaving wasn’t already stressing him enough.

He looked at his members. Donghyuk tried to hide his tears. Hanbin really felt bad for him. He was the one who was sure of Chanwoo not leaving. He was the one who was really affected by the news from the start. Everyone looked really sad as they faced the ground, refusing to see the press, let alone their maknae. Bobby was different, though. He looked really angry. Which Hanbin would expect. He wishes he could make things better for them. This was his fault. He failed to bring the maknae back.

It was really a pain to see Chanwoo just sitting there in front of them knowing that he will leave. He didn’t even bother to say goodbye. That was what hurt Jinhwan the most. He had the chance to say the truth earlier this morning, he had the chance to say his goodbyes and say what he really felt but he received none.

As the process continues and everyone was done speaking, it was usually the time for a press interview. But then the CEO said there will be no such comments from iKON or Chanwoo about the situation in this occasion. The bodyguards then shooed them one by one as they all finally left the room. Chanwoo looked like he was about to approach them but the lawyer stopped him as he leads him outside of the room leaving them. Yang Hyunsuk was the one that approached them.

“I’m afraid that is the last time you’ll get to see him. At least inside of this bulding.” He said explaining to the remaining members. “We don’t want to risk press finding out that you’re still in contact in this building. And I’m truly sorry for today’s decision, I’m expecting good things from iKON soon” he continued as he left the room. They were the only ones left in the room now and everyone was silent. The only thing that filled the air were their sobs.

After a few moments, Bobby punched the table and screamed. Hanbin went up to him and tried to stop him. “Hyung, calm down” Hanbin said as he held the older’s hand down preventing him from punching more things. “I can’t fucking ‘calm’, Hanbin. That brat left us without explanation. Without a proper goodbye!” A tear fell from the older’s face as he screamed the last part and Hanbin couldn’t help but sigh as it was true. “I get that, hyung. I really do. You could destroy everything that’s in your way, hyung. You could do that, and he still won’t come back!” Hanbin exclaimed clearly also in a stressed tone.

Hanbin saw the shocked face everyone was giving him and calmed down. “Let’s head back. We’ll try to call him or something. I believe he has a reason.” The leader said as he calmed down. The rest didn’t dare to differ so they did as told.

 

***

 

Two months has passed and it felt like hell. Chanwoo hasn’t picked up his calls. The CEO hasn’t demanded them to do anything due to his departure. They feel like they have no purpose anymore. Practices are still ongoing, though. But weirdly enough, Hanbin isn’t as strict as he used to. The rest didn’t even bother to show excitement. Everyday seems really gloomy. And Junhoe had enough of it.

“You know what, fuck Chanwoo.” Junhoe stated suddenly in a middle of their lunch. “Junhoe.. don’t start.” Jinhwan threatened him. “No! We need to talk about this. I know, it sucks that he left, but guys please don’t dwell on it forever. We need to move forward.” Junhoe continued. Hanbin nodded at his words. “Junhoe’s right. How about we have a proper recording today, just for fun.” Hanbin suggested causing everyone to agree.

Suddenly Hanbin’s phone rang, he then took a look at the caller ID but as soon as he saw that it was an unknown number he immediately hung up. “Who was that?” Yunhyeong asked curious. “I don’t know. This number has called me a lot today. You guys didn’t accidentally give out my phone number on vlive, right?” Hanbin answered. He then received a message from the same number and dropped his jaw.

 

 

From: Unknown Number

Message:

Hanbin-ssi, this is Chanwoo’s mother. I got your number from my son’s phone. Please come meet me with the rest of the members (if you please) on the café near the YG building. The time is up to you, please answer this message. There is a serious issue I need to tell you.

 

 

“Hanbin-ah, what’s wrong?” Jinhwan asked breaking the silence. “Change of plans, boys. We’re meeting someone tonight.” Hanbin announced as he got up from his seat causing the rest to do the same following the leader to wherever he was going.

 

***

 

Yunhyeong didn’t know why but seeing Chanwoo’s mother in front of him calms him down. She had the same aura Chanwoo gives and that’s enough to bring back the memories he missed the most. She and the rest of the members all ordered their drinks and thing got awkward for a while as silence fills the air.

“So how have you boys been?” She asked with a smile. The rest smiled at her and lied telling her they were all fine. But they were not. They’ve been anything but fine. “That’s great. I’m sorry for the sudden invite. It’s just that.. it’s an urgent” She explained. They could see she was nervous on telling them whatever she wanted to tell them.

“W-What is it?” Donghyuk asked stuttering. She looked at all of them and could see how clueless they were. “I have noticed that you boys don’t know the reason Chanwoo left” She explained. The members got tensed after hearing her words. “Why do you say that?” Hanbin asked genuinely curious.

“Because you haven’t visited him” Chanwoo’s mom stated shortly. The others looked at each other confused. What does that mean?

“Chanwoo.. is ill. He has been for a while now.” His mother explained. The others were shocked. “He has been diagnosed with stadium 4 lung cancer a few months ago before he left. He told me that you guys knew, but as his mother, I knew he was lying” His mother explained. Hanbin noticed that her eyes were dry. She probably had cried lots of times before. The members were all frozen.

“Tell me if this is a dream!” Donghyuk exclaimed suddenly. He was already crying. He knew it, he knew there was something about Chanwoo that reminded him of his dad. And he didn’t even manage to realize it. “D-Donghyuk-ah..” Yunhyeong said patting his shoulders trying to calm the younger when his eyes were also filled with tears.

“I-I’m so sorry, boys..” She said feeling really sorry. They reminded her of herself when she first found out. “The doctor predicted that he only has 4 days” She continued not making the situation any better as most of the members screeched, not accepting what was happening. She could only sigh and held Hanbin’s hand.

“Please, visit him. He always mumbles your names in his sleep. Just, please make him happy on his last days.. Could y-you do that for him?” She said now also crying. Hanbin nodded at her.

“We’ll visit him right this instant”

 

 

***

 

A knock on the door was heard but Chanwoo wasn’t even bothered. Well, of course, he couldn’t even move an inch. Everything hurts. He couldn’t stop coughing, and he felt like his body is slowly giving up on him. He wishes he would die sooner, he couldn’t take it anymore.

So when the iKON members entered his room, Chanwoo panicked and covered his face with a pillow. They all immediately approached him after seeing him doing so. Bobby pulled the pillow away to see his face and they were all shocked at how pale their maknae was. His lips were white, it was almost the same color of his skin, his eyes were red, and there was no hair left on his head.

“I know, I know, I’m ugly. No need to stare” Chanwoo managed to croak. “We couldn’t care less about your looks right now Chanwoo-ah” Jinhwan replied. “Yah! You lied to us and you worry about how you look in front of us? You brat!” Bobby exclaimed in a joking tone.

Chanwoo smiled but he suddenly covered his mouth and pointed at the bucket at the edge of his bed. Junhoe quickly grabbed it and gave it to Chanwoo. The maknae then vomited, leaving everyone shocked. The sound of his gags breaks their heart. They couldn’t even imagine the pain he had to went through. When he finished he lied back down as Hanbin took the bucket away. Chanwoo closed his eyes and sighed. He looks really vulnerable and weak, the fact that they couldn’t do anything about it was killing Hanbin.

“How did you guys know?” Chanwoo asked suddenly. “It doesn’t matter” Yunhyeong replied. “How long have you hidden this from us?” Bobby asked suddenly. “I-I’ve-“ Chanwoo couldn’t continue as he coughed a couple of times. He then grabbed some tissues and covered his face with it. The rest could see that there was blood dripping from his nose. Jinhwan and Donghyuk couldn’t take it anymore so they cried. They felt so bad for the younger. They all wanted him to stop suffering so bad, but they couldn’t do anything.

“Months before I left. I leave at night for a check-up everyday” Chanwoo tried to explain still covering his nose with the tissues. “I tried chemotherapy but it didn’t seem to help. I should’ve kept my hair.” Chanwoo said joking. Hanbin shook his head on how the younger still manages to joke around about the situation.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say goodbye, hyungs” Chanwoo stated suddenly. “Sshh don’t apologize.” Jinhwan said as he held Chanwoo’s hand. The younger’s hand was really cold, it broke Jinhwan’s heart. “Everything hurts, hyungs.. Help me..” Chanwoo suddenly sobbed in pain. None of them could take it, they all ended up crying seeing the struggling maknae. They wished that they could make the pain go away, they wished he still had time, at least some time for them to make his last moments worthwhile.

“I know.. I d-don’t have much time left.” Chanwoo stated as he wiped his tears and threw the tissues filled with blood away. “Thank you, hyungs. I mean it when I said that I was happy then. F-For a moment there, I forgot that I was suffering. I’m sorry you end up seeing me.. l-like this” Chanwoo apologized again.

“Yah! How many times do we have to say it, huh? Chanwoo-ah we don’t care! We’re already glad just to see you right now!” Donghyuk exclaimed almost angry. Chanwoo smiled at the older. “Can I ask you guys one favor?” Chanwoo asked suddenly. The others nodded immediately.

“Please don’t visit me tomorrow or the day after.” The rest froze hearing his request. “W-Why??” Junhoe managed to question. “I will only get worse from now on, Junhoe. You will have the memory of me suffering recorded in your memories instead of the great times we had together. That’s why I planned on not to tell you guys.” Chanwoo explained. “Chanwoo-ah, please! Please, we want to be with you. We want to accompany you while you’re here! Please..” Jinhwan begged screaming and crying at the same time. Chanwoo looked at the eldest, concerned.

“Remember when I always make fun of your height hyung?” Chanwoo asked changing the subject. “H-Huh?” Jinhwan asked confused at the sudden question. “Even though you’re small, you are cute and you are strong, hyung. Never be discourage by your height, okay?” Chanwoo continued causing Jinhwan to sob even more. “C-Chanwoo.. no.. please..” Jinhwan managed to say.

“Hanbin hyung.. you have always kept your troubles to yourself when you had 6 members who are always ready to help. You are tough, but you have limits too. You are still a great leader even when you need help.” Chanwoo smiled at the leader who was now holding his hand so tight, holding back his tears.

“Bobby hyung! You are talented and a fun hyung. You-“ Chanwoo stopped as he coughed a couple of times. “Sorry… Bobby hyung, you tend to get your anger get the best of you. I wish I could calm you whenever you are angry, but then again, one of the reasons you got mad was myself. So I hope… you won’t get angry anymore” Chanwoo said filled with hope. Bobby didn’t answer, instead he kept looking at the maknae with a sad look.

“Yunhyeong hyung. Thank you for accepting me from the very start. You are very warm and loving which is why I cling to you most of the time. But you let words get you so easily. One small joke and you take it to heart. I hope you’ll ignore them as time passes by.” Chanwoo continued. Yunhyeong didn’t even dare to look at Chanwoo at this point, he just faced the ground crying even more.

“Junhoe.” Chanwoo said smiling at the older. “I was scared that you’ll never accept me. But you insisted on me being informal with you. You’ve taught me lots of things. Thank you. Just don’t cause trouble to the hyungs for me, okay?” Junhoe nodded immediately.

“And Donghyuk..” Chanwoo finally called. Donghyuk couldn’t even talk or focus at this point. He was crying too much. He just had to watch another loved one slowly suffering and leaving him. “I’m so sorry. I lied to you the most. I told you that I will never leave you, but.. I wish things were different. I wish you didn’t have to experience this. I am so sorry. I love you, Donghyuk. I’ll say hi to your dad for you” Chanwoo apologized. “N-No!! Stop it.. Stop apologizing! It was never your fault!!” Donghyuk screamed. “You are the sunshine of the group, don’t ever lose that shine of yours, okay?” Donghyuk couldn’t take it anymore.

“YAH! CHANWOO YOU ARE THE SUNSHINE OF THE GROUP. YOU ARE WHAT MAKES US COMPLETE. S-STOP TALKING AS IF THIS IS YOUR L-LAST TIME SEEING US. P-PLEASE” Donghyuk shouted causing the others to grab him and calm him down. Chanwoo didn’t react. Instead, he smiled and laid back to his bed. “I-I’m sorry” Chanwoo managed to say. His face suddenly changes, it was as if he was shocked.

A few minutes after they all saw blood dripping out of his nose and he went unconscious afterwards. Yunhyeong immediately shook the youngers shoulders to wake him up while the rest called the nurse. The doctor came by later demanding the members to get out of the room for them to work.

It all happened so fast. Now they’re all in the waiting room, waiting for the doctor’s explanation. A few minutes after a nurse came by telling them to go home, the only one that could stay was his family. Hanbin agreed as he leads the members back home.

 

 

***

 

“What did Mrs. Jung say?” Junhoe asked curious. “The only thing that’s keeping him alive is the machine, and he’s still in a deep coma.” Hanbin explained. “She asked me whether if she just keep the machine… or let him go.” The members gasped. “I told her that it’s better to let him go.” Hanbin continued. The rest went silent. “They will detach him from the machine tomorrow, so-“

“NO!!!” Donghyuk screeched as he cut of his leader. “Donghyuk-ah, I’m sorry” Hanbin said also crying. “No… no, we didn’t even say our goodbyes properly! N-no.. Please, wake me up from this n-nightmare. Hyungs!” Donghyuk cried for help. The rest could only stroke the latter’s back in hopes to stop his outrage. Everyone went silent. The only thing that’s filling up the room was their own sobs.

Bobby punched the wall. This time, none of them even bothered to stop him. He then screamed in outrage. Hanbin sighed in frustration. Nothing could beat this feeling of heartbreak and sadness. He wished he could just stopped all of this from happening but he isn’t God. He wonders how great would it be to just threw the cancer away. How many lives has that disease killed?

“I wonder if he was happy in his last moments” Junhoe said suddenly. “Of course, we were there with him.” Yunhyeong answered not having any doubt in his mind. “I miss him already” Jinhwan stated causing the others to nod in agreement. “Who else will we tell Yunhyeong he is twins with?” Junhoe asked jokingly. “Who else will play pranks on us?” Hanbin continued. They all laughed but went silent again.

“Don’t you think God is cruel?” Donghyuk asked suddenly shocking everyone. “I mean, if I were God, I want him back too” Hanbin answered in a joking tone. The rest smiled for the first time for what has seemed forever.

 

 

_“Jung Chanwoo was a figure we will never forget. He came into our lives in the most unique way, as he is a very unique guy. He left us in a very unique way too. Until this day, I haven’t really grasped and understand how his mind work. But even so, we all loved him regardless. He was hardworking, he never complains, and he is always grateful. Even in the last minutes of his life, he didn’t blame anyone for his illness. He was a playful kid. Of course, he left us at such a young age. But he knows when to be serious and when not to be. I sometimes ask to myself, ‘why him?’ ‘why did he have to suffer?’ ‘why wasn’t it me instead?’ But I guess Chanwoo was too precious for the world to handle, that even heaven wants him back. Even so, I hope we will meet again one day, Jung Chanwoo and may you rest in peace”_ - **Kim Hanbin**


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